


Green Eyed Gomez

by helloitshaley



Category: Addams Family (TV 1964), Addams Family - All Media Types, The Addams Family (Movies)
Genre: F/M, I needded to write something fairly innocent to make up for all the smut I've been putting out there, rated M mostly to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26293375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloitshaley/pseuds/helloitshaley
Summary: When Wednesday becomes friends with the son of one of Morticia's old friends, Gomez is pretty wary of this man's intentions with his wife. Is Lionel as harmless as Morticia claims, or is he out to rekindle an old, one sided flame? Based off of the 60's episode with the same name, but expanded on and made to fit with modern times.
Relationships: Gomez Addams/Morticia Addams
Comments: 15
Kudos: 62





	1. The thing about Strawberries

Wednesday was not happy with her current predicament. She found herself, and not for the first time, sitting in the principal’s horribly decorated office, listening to him droning on and on. If it weren’t considered an actual crime she would have lit the office on fire and been out of there fifteen minutes ago. Even though she was positive she would run the joint, going to jail at age ten wasn’t exactly in her plans. She had too many things to do first.

“Do you understand why it was wrong, Wednesday?” he asked in his horribly fake tone.

“No, I was stating a fact. Strawberries contain worms. It isn’t my fault that Tommy had a panic attack because of it,” she shot back, sullenly crossing her arms across her chest. “I don’t see why I have to be punished because he has a weak countenance.” 

Principal Walker frowned, making his wrinkles far more pronounced. “Now I don’t like to use the word punish, Wednesday-”

“Why? Because my parents donate a lot of money to the school?” Wednesday shot back.

Mr. Walker let out a pensive sigh. “You’re simply going to take a break for the rest of the day, if only to set the other students minds at ease. You care about your classmates, right?”

“No.”

Mr. Walker’s face started to turn red and sweaty, reminding Wednesday of the strawberries she ruined for everyone. “Well, maybe that's something you can think about while you spend the rest of your day at home.”

As if on cue, Morticia stepped through the door. She quickly walked over to Wednesday, putting her hand on her shoulder as she addressed Mr. Walker. “How do you do, Mr. Walker? Would you mind telling me why I have to pick up my daughter early, making her miss half a day of learning?”

Wednesday smirked. Her mother was clearly trying to make Mr. Walker feel guilty and she loved it. The crab apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

“Mrs. Addams, Wednesday caused another student to have a panic attack,” he tried to explain. “I’m just doing what I think is best for the other children.”

“All I did was tell my class what Uncle Fester told me about strawberries,” Wednesday calmly explained.

Morticia shook her head, her dark eyes narrowed at the principal. “Of all the silly reasons to drag me down here. However, I would never want you to second guess yourself, Mr. Walker,” she added at the end to rub salt in the wound. “Come along, Wednesday.”

Wednesday followed her mother out of the office, secretly glad that she was getting to miss a half a day of nonsense. “Are you mad?” she asked once they were far enough away.

Morticia laughed softly. “Of course not. How could you possibly be expected to keep up with their strange rules? No explosives, no bringing scorpions to show and tell, now no telling the other children facts? Don’t waste another second worrying, Wednesday.”

“Okay,” Wednesday sighed, subtly reaching up to take Morticia’s hand while trying not to make a big deal about it. “Where's Father?” It was a rarity to see one without the other.

“He’s tied up. Literally. He saw a trick on the tv that he wanted to replicate,” Morticia explained with a hint of amusement. “He should be out by the time we get home.”

“Wednesday, did you get in trouble?” a boy named Colin said as he walked out of the bathroom. He adjusted his glasses, his eyes flitting between Wednesday and Morticia. 

Wednesday quickly pulled her hand away from her mom and crossed her arms. “I just have to go home for the rest of the day.”

“Well that's not fair,” Colin said. “I saw Tommy lick a worm at recess once so I think he was faking.”

“Wednesday, are you going to introduce me to your friend?” Morticia asked, nudging her shoulder.

Wednesday sighed. “This is Colin. Colin, this is my mother.”

“It's very nice to meet you, Colin,” Morticia said, polite as usual. 

“Likewise,” Colin said in a way that made Wednesday frown deeply. Kids usually found her mother terrifying or they thought she was hot, and it was clear Colin was leaning toward the latter.

“Wednesday, why don’t you invite Colin over this weekend?” Morticia suggested. “We didn’t have any plans. Perhaps Pugsley could invite someone as well.”

Wednesday knew her mother meant well, and she liked Colin more than most of her classmates, but that was never something she would have dreamed up herself. Wednesday may take after her mother in many ways, but her boundless hospitality was not one of those ways. However, Colin wasn’t going to give her much of a choice.

“I’d love to, Mrs. Addams!” he said happily. “Well, I have to get back to class. See ya!”

Colin skipped away, making Wednesday shudder. “You’ve invited a boy who skips into our home.”

“He seems like a nice boy, skipping aside,” Morticia said as they stepped out of the building. “Why, do you secretly hate him? I took you acknowledging him as proof of the opposite.”

“Colin is fine,” she ruefully admitted. “I usually eat lunch with him.”

“Good, then it's settled. Now, do you want to go to the ice cream place with the good flavors? I know how much you love the cheddar jalapeno.” 

“As long as you think Father will be okay all tied up.”

Morticia thought for a moment before waving it off. “We’ll bring some ice cream home for him and it will be just fine.”

…

Morticia and Wednesday arrived home to the sound of grunting and glass shattering. This wasn’t totally unusual, though it did have Morticia slightly concerned that Gomez may be in some sort of pain.

“Gomez, darling?” she called out. “Are you alright?”

Gomez sprang out of the sitting room, shaking off several ropes and one very heavy chain as he did so. “I’m free! It only took me two hours!” He pulled Morticia into a hug and planted a giant kiss on her cheek before doing the same to Wednesday.

“A new record, great job,” Morticia said proudly.

“So what did I miss? Not that I’m complaining about Wednesday coming home early, but why are you home early?” Gomez asked, directing them into the sitting room. “Oh, is that ice cream?”

“Pickled mango, your favorite.” She handed him the tub and took a seat in her high back chair. “Lurch took the flavors for everyone else to the kitchen… darling, use a spoon.”

Gomez looked up from where he was licking his scoop of ice cream. “No need.”

“But it in a dish, oh never mind.”

“I’m home early because I gave a boy a panic attack,” Wednesday said flatly, answering her father’s earlier question. “Weak.”

Gomez laughed to himself, still awkwardly licking his ice cream. “Oh, Wednesday.”

“On the gloomy side,” Morticia said, holding back a smirk. “A friend of Wednesday's is going to come over this weekend.”

Wednesday turned to glare at her mother. “It isn’t that big a deal. He’s probably going to scream and run away once he gets here anyway.”

“He?” Gomez yelled, his eyebrows shooting up.

“Oh, Gomez,” Morticia said with a shake of her head. “Don’t be so archaic. You know Wednesday only has homicide on her mind.”

“Yeah, Father, don’t be disgusting,” Wednesday added.

“I only worry because any man with a shred of sense would fall head over heels for an Addams woman!” Gomez declared. “We are a magnetic breed!” 

“I’m going upstairs now,” Wednesday said, eyebrows furrowed in disdain. 

“Alright, darling,” Morticia said. “Have fun.”

“Were you that opposed to talking about boys at her age?” Gomez asked, walking over to sit on the arm of her chair. “Be careful, your answer may make me jealous.”

Morticia thought for a moment. “I wouldn’t say I was as extreme as Wednesday, but I also wasn’t out actively searching for a boy to date. Though I won’t lie, I may have snagged the attention of a prepubescent man or two,” she said coyly, reaching up to pat his cheek.

“I would imagine anyone you walked by flung themselves at your feet!” Gomez cried before kissing the top of her head. “And had I known you then, I would have gladly fought them all! Also, have you ever thought about how delightful the word prepubescent is?”

“It's a bit of a mouth full.”

“Pubescent, then. Would make a nice name.”

“Or some deviation of it. Pubert, perhaps,” she said thoughtfully.

“Wonderful! Let's have another kid so we can name them that!”

“Later, darling,” Morticia laughed. “That's a lot more work for me than it is for you.”

“Huh, too bad we aren’t seahorses,” he said thoughtfully.

“What an intriguing thought,” Morticia laughed. “Why?”

“The male seahorse carries the babies!” Gomez said happily.

Morticia considered that for a moment. “Well, you do enjoy pain. Do you think you would still have a mustache if you were a seahorse?” She smirked, reaching up to stroke his mustache fondly.

“Yes and it would be made of scales!” he said excitedly. “However, seahorses don’t have arms and I would so miss embracing you, cara mia.” He leaned down, wrapping his arms around her head because of the awkward angle he was at.

“Darling,” Morticia laughed, her voice muffled by his arm. “My makeup is going to get all over your sleeve.”

“Then I shall have a piece of you with me for the rest of the day!” Gomez said before letting go of her head. Sure enough there was a white smudge on his dark purple sleeve. “Perfection!” 

“Yes, but I’m sure my face no longer is,” Morticia said with amusement.

“Nonsense, you look perfect no matter what, and I mean that sincerely.” Gomez lifted her hand to his mouth, pressing a long kiss to the back of it.

Morticia smiled softly up at him. All these years and he never failed to set off bats in her heart. “You are a wonderful boost for my ego,” she said as she stood, pulling him with her. “Now, my darling, why don’t you come help me figure out what we should have for dinner?”

A mischievous glint formed in Gomez’s eye. “I’ll tell you what I would like to have for dinner.”

Morticia smirked. “Behave yourself for all of five minutes and you may get just that.”

“Oh… Tish.”


	2. An Old Friend

“Wednesday, Pugsley, your friends will be here soon!” Morticia called up the stairs. 

Instead of the children, however, it was Fester who came down the staircase, looking grumpy. “I never get to have friends over!”

Morticia crossed her arms, shaking her head slightly. “Uncle Fester, you don’t need mine or Gomez’s permission to have a friend over, invite whoever you would like.”

Uncle Fester frowned slightly. “Well… whenever I make a friend I’m going to have a playdate!” he exclaimed before huffing away.

“Playdate?” Gomez asked as he walked down the hall. “How old does Fester think he is?”

“I’m not sure. How old is he anyway?”

Gomez thought for a moment, chewing on the end of his cigar. “Huh… you know, I have no idea!”

Morticia shrugged as she pulled his pocket watch from his blazer to check the time. “Darling, you did tell Mama to put a leash on her alligator, right? For some reason new people seem to agitate him.”

“They are both down at the swamp, it should be no problem,” he said before leaning in to kiss her.

Their kiss was swiftly interrupted by Wednesday and Pugsley rushing down the stairs. “We cleaned our rooms!” Pugsley said proudly. “My electric chair is nice and shiny!”

“Remember, Pugsley, you need to ask your friend first before you electrocute them,” Morticia said.

“I know,” he sighed.

“Wednesday, what are you and your little friend going to do?” Gomez asked.

Wednesday shrugged. “I don’t know, play with my spiders probably.”

“A capital idea!”

The foghorn sound of the doorbell echoed through the foyer. Lurch was at the door, pulling it open right as a young boy was quickly shoved inside, the sound of footsteps retreating in the other direction echoing from his parents. “Hi, Pugsley!” the boy said happily.

“Hi, Trevor! These are my parents, and you know Wednesday.”

Trevor, who seemingly shared a lot of Pugsley’s same traits, smiled up at Gomez and Morticia. “Thanks for having me over! My parents say your house is creepy but I love it. Especially that!” he pointed up to the mounted head of a sword fish that had a leg sticking out of its mouth.

“You’re welcome any time, Trevor,” Morticia said with a smile. “Why don’t you two run along and play?”

“Come on! I’ll show you my fire crackers!”

“Oh boy!”

No sooner had those two run off than the doorbell rang once again, only this time the parent didn’t run off. Colin walked in, followed by a rather clean cut man around the same age as Morticia. He looked afraid at first, especially after seeing Lurch, but he changed his tune as his eyes landed on Morticia.

“My God… Morticia?” he gasped, rushing forward. “Morticia Frump?”

Morticia’s eyebrows creased in confusion until recognition set in. “Lionel Barker?”

“Yes! What are the odds, how are you?” he asked in a rush, taking both her hands in his. “Wow, you haven’t changed a bit!”

“Except that she’s married now,” Gomez cut in. He extended his hand to Lionel in what appeared to be a friendly gesture, though he really just wanted this man to let go of his wife’s hands. “Gomez Addams.”

“Let's go, Colin,” Wednesday said flatly. “I’ll show you my black widows.” 

“Have fun, Colin!” Lionel called after them. “Mind your manners!”

“Won’t you stay for a bit?” Morticia asked. “We could have some tea and catch up a little.”

“Oh I’m sure Mr. Barker is a busy man,” Gomez said as he slid his arm around Morticia’s waist.

“Oh actually I’m all free,” Lionel said happily. “Besides, I always have time for an old friend.”

“Wonderful,” Morticia said with a soft smile. Gomez felt his blood begin to boil. “Right this way.”

“How is it you two know each other?” Gomez asked, fighting to keep his voice steady as they walked into the living room.

“Lionel and I were neighbors back when we were little,” Morticia explained as she rang for Lurch. Lionel only seemed mildly disturbed by the loud gong that shook the house.

“You rang?”

“Tea, please, Lurch. And use the good china, would you please?”

Lurch groaned as he walked away.

“My goodness, how long has it been?” Lionel asked as he tentatively took a seat on the couch, inadvertently putting himself between Gomez and Morticia as he did so.

“I don’t know, fifteen years?”

“Wow!” Lionel exclaimed. “You haven’t aged a day, Morticia, except to maybe get more beautiful, if your husband doesn’t mind my saying.”

“He does,” Gomez said flatly.

Morticia quickly shot him a look. “He is only joking.”

Lionel laughed nervously. “Right… so, Gomez, what do you do?”

“Oh, lots of stuff,” he said in a noncommittal tone.

Morticia narrowed her eyes to a venomous glare at him. “Gomez is very good with stocks and investments. What is it you do, Lionel?”

“Funny you should mention stocks, I’m a broker,” he said. “If you need any tips…”

Sensing her husband’s testy mood, Morticia said, “oh, thank you, but Gomez has such a wonderful system he really doesn’t need any added tips.”

Lionel held up his hands. “Of course, of course. So, how is all of this for coincidence? Our kids end up friends just like the two of us!”

“That is funny,” Morticia agreed as Lurch came in with the tea tray. “Thank you, Lurch.”

“So, Lionel, are you married?” Gomez asked abruptly.

“Ah, divorced,” he said with a shrug. “What are you gonna do? We just couldn’t make it work, it wasn’t fair to Colin. Monogamy was just too much for her, I suppose.” 

“Oh, well that's a pity,” Morticia said sympathetically. 

“Thank you but really, it was for the best,” he said with a laugh. “Anyway, how long have the two of you been married?”

“Thirteen years!” Gomez eagerly supplied. “The best thirteen years of my life!”

“Mine as well, darling,” Morticia said, smiling over at him. 

“That's nice,” Lionel said with a laugh. “You both are lucky. Oh, Morticia, do you remember that time our families went camping together?” 

Morticia cringed. “That was awful.”

“What? No it wasn’t!” Lionel laughed. “It was bright and sunny the whole time!”

“Yes, it was absolutely dreadful. We couldn’t possibly have had worse weather.”

Lionel continued laughing as he shook his head. “You’ve always been so funny. It was great when Ophelia jumped into the lake and refused to come out.”

“Oh, she got so pruney!” Morticia said with a slight laugh. “Mother was so furious with her. For once it wasn’t me she was mad at.” 

Lionel laughed as he lifted his tea cup to his mouth. He promptly spit the liquid back out with a repulsed look on his face. 

“Something wrong?” Gomez asked as he pointedly took a long sip of his tea. 

“I just wasn’t quite expecting the strong flavor,” Lionel said as he set his tea cup to the side. “I’m more of a coffee man, to be honest.”

“Yet you don’t like strong flavor?” Gomez questioned. 

“Gomez,” Morticia said, keeping her voice even though she was glaring daggers at him. She turned her attention back to Lionel. “We have coffee as well, if you would prefer.”

“No, don’t trouble your butler, please. I would however love a tour of your house, if you don’t mind!” he said happily. “This place seems to be like the house you always dreamed of when you were younger.”

“It is indeed, and I would love to show you around.” Morticia stood and smoothed out her tight dress. “Will you join us, darling?”

Gomez paused for a moment before shaking his head. “You two go have fun. I’m going to go make sure the children are all having fun.” He walked over and quickly kissed her cheek. “Come find me when you’re done!”

Morticia subtly shook her head as he walked away. Gomez was jealous, there were no two ways around it. Getting him to admit that fact, however, was going to be incredibly fun for Morticia. “Follow me, Lionel,” she said, turning in the opposite direction. “We’ll start with the dungeon.”


	3. Mo? What an Absurd Name

“Whatcha doing?” Fester shouted, startling Gomez nearly out of his wits.

He jumped around, turning away from his train set in shock. “Where did you come from?”

“The chimney,” he said with a shrug, turning to point at the fireplace behind him. “I was playing cards with Cousin Itt.”

“Oh, sorry, old man. I guess I was lost in my head.”

“So that's why the trains have been running with no crash,” Fester observed. 

Gomez sighed and switched off the trains. “I suppose so.”

“You gonna tell me what's wrong or do I have to beat it out of you?” Fester asked as he picked up a train car to look at.

“Nothing is wrong, Fester,” Gomez said unconvincingly. “It's just… the dad of Wednesday’s friend knows Morticia from when they were kids and he’s just a tad bit too friendly for my liking.”

“Oh I know!” Fester said excitedly. “I’ll shoot him in the back!”

It took Gomez at least thirty seconds to say, “no, no, that wouldn’t be very fair.”

“Right, why punish him for your jealousy?”

“I’m not jealous,” Gomez said quickly. “I’m just giving them their space to reminisce without me having to hear it.”

“Jealous.” 

“I have nothing to be jealous of,” Gomez said with a roll of his eyes. “I know Morticia loves me.”

“It's not Morticia you’re worried about,” Fester said with a shrug. “And you left her all alone with Handsey McGee.” 

“Handsey?” Gomez cried, to which Thing promptly shot up out of a box in the corner of the room. “Sorry, Thing, I wasn’t talking about you.”

Thing made a dismissive gesture before sinking back into his box.

“Yeah, who wouldn’t be handsy with Morticia?”

“Fester, there are so many reasons why you shouldn’t have said that,” Gomez groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, no, they’re just old friends and I’m being silly, that's all. Maybe I need to stand on my head for a bit.”

“No, you need to go find them and make it obvious that you’re the only man in Morticia’s life!” Fester cried, stomping his foot. “Then… I’ll shoot him in the back.”

“What are you suggesting, that I go down and, and, and, grab her ass in front of our house guest?” Gomez asked as he began pacing back and forth. “No! Then she would think that I’m jealous of Lionel!”

“You are jealous.”

“But I don’t want Morticia to think that!”

“Then stay up here and play with your trains while Lionel seduces your wife bye!” he said abruptly before heading back to the chimney. 

“Fester, wait!” he called after him, but he was up the chimney before Gomez could stop him. “Some brother you are!”

Gomez flopped down to the ground in defeat, letting out a long sigh as he pulled out a cigar. At the same moment, the door opened and Morticia slipped in, a smirk on her face as she closed the doors tightly behind her. “Gomez, darling.”

“Cara mia?”

“My dear I am going to be completely frank with you,” Morticia said, an air of amusement in her voice. “You have no reason to be jealous of Lionel.”

“What?” Gomez sputtered, jumping to his feet. “Tish, you are funny. Why ever would I be jealous of Lionel? The man shares his name with a model train!”

Morticia’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Gomez, you love model trains.” 

“Damnit,” he hissed, looking at the set in front of him. “Well, where is he, anyway? Off mooning over a photograph of you?”

Morticia narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “You are jealous.”

“I’m not, Morticia,” he said in a rather defeated tone. He walked around the train table and put his hands on her shoulders. “All I was doing was giving you two the chance to catch up without me in the way.”

Morticia rolled her eyes. “Darling, how could you ever feel like you’re in my way? You’re being very silly.”

“Me? Silly? Never,” he scoffed, a smile tugging at his lips.

“In that case you won’t be mad that I invited Lionel to stay for dinner, will you?” she asked, her dark lashes fluttering slightly in a clear attempt to suede him in her favor. 

Gomez quickly pulled her into an embrace, mostly so she wouldn’t see the look of anger on his face. “Of course I don’t mind, my dearest,” he said through gritted teeth. “The more the merrier.” 

“Gomez,” she said, her voice muffled from the fact that her face was squished into his chest. “You wouldn’t be lying to me, would you?”

“Never, Morticia, never,” he replied, teeth still grinding. “I love company.” 

She tried to pull her head back, but Gomez kept it pressed tight against him. “I have to go talk to Lurch about the menu, then,” she said with a slight laugh. “Will you let me go?”

Slowly Gomez unwound his arms from their vice grip. He smiled sweetly down at his wife as he adjusted his tie. “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine, cara mia.”

Morticia leaned back against the door, eyeing him apprehensively. “You know, Lionel did always have a bit of a ‘thing’ for me, but it was never reciprocated.” 

“Wasn’t it?” Gomez asked nervously, finding that he had started twiddling his thumbs.

Morticia shook her head. “No. He isn’t even remotely my type… mon cher.”

“Tish,” Gomez sighed, leaning in against the door beside her. He lifted a lock of hair to his mouth and kissed it before letting it fall back against her chest. “What is your type, then?”

“Hmm… suave, dark, mustached men who have a penchant for wearing expensive suits and smoking cigars,” she said in a seductive tone, her fingers dancing along his chest. “Sound familiar?” 

“Vaguely,” he said with a smirk. He leaned down, capturing her mouth in a soft kiss that quickly grew far more amorous than intended. He pressed himself against her, sandwiching her body between his and the door, hands roving down her body. 

“Darling,” Morticia purred, pulling back slightly. “I have to go, we have a guest.”

Gomez groaned and kissed her once again. “I’ll be quick.”

Before Morticia could either argue or give in, a foreign voice broke them apart. “Mo? I got lost! Can I get a little help?” Lionel yelled from somewhere down the hall.

“Mo?” Gomez asked, his grip inadvertently tightening on her hips. “He calls you Mo?”

“I’ve always hated it but never had the heart to tell him,” she said, reaching for the doorknob. “I better go help him. He might break his leg if he falls through one of the trap doors.”

“Wouldn’t that be a shame,” Gomez grumbled to himself as she slipped out the door. “Mo, what a stupid nickname,” he scoffed as he walked back to his train table. “Mo. Bah!”


	4. Sleepover

As dinner finished up, a large thunderstorm rolled through. Normally this would be a cause for celebration in the Addams house, but when a bolt of lightning snapped a tree in half which resulted in the driveway being completely blocked, Gomez nearly tore his hair out. 

“What do you mean no one can come by until tomorrow to remove it?” he yelled into the phone as he paced back and forth in the living room. “We have people in our house who need to go home!”

“I like sleepovers!” Trevor said happily. “My parents said they were happy not to come to this house in a storm like that.”

“Lurch, Trevor can stay in Pugsley’s room, but would you please go prepare a guest room for Mr. Barker and his son?” Morticia asked, which made Gomez pause angrily mid stride before resuming his pacing as if nothing was wrong.

“This means we can all do the ouija board!” Pugsley said happily. “I’ll go get it!”

“May we play with it down in the dungeon?” Wednesday asked, an eager glint in her eyes.

“Of course, darling,” Morticia said, patting her head. “Just stay out of the back room.”

“Trust me, I know. Trevor, Colin, come with me, we can take the slide.”

The children all left, with Trevor looking far more enthused about talking to spirits than Colin. “It's just a fun toy, bud!” Lionel called after him. “Ghosts aren’t real.”

Gomez loudly scoffed. “Spend an hour or two in the attic and you’ll change your mind.” He angrily hung up his phone and shoved it in his pocket. “They said they’ll be out first thing in the morning to remove the tree.”

“I’m really sorry for the inconvenience,” Lionel said. “I can’t thank you both enough for letting us stay the night.”

“Think nothing of it,” Morticia said sweetly. “And it's no inconvenience at all.”

“Freak weather aside, this has been such a great day,” Lionel said as he lowered himself to an armchair. “Seeing you again has brought back so many wonderful memories, Morticia.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Morticia could see how extremely red Gomez’s face had gotten. To be fair, if an old flame had said that to him in front of her, Morticia would probably be livid as well. She smiled politely and sunk down into her high back chair. “It's too bad you just missed Ophelia being here. I believe she said she was off to Peru this time, wasn’t she, dear?”

“Oh, uh, yes, that's right!” Gomez said once he realized she was talking to him. “She wanted to go on a tour of the set they used for the Emperor’s New Groove.”

“She refused to listen when I told her it was only a cartoon and there was no real set,” Morticia said with a shrug.

Lionel laughed. “Yeah, that sounds about right for your sister.”

“I’ve always joked that Morticia is adopted,” Gomez said with a laugh. Morticia was relieved he said something to Lionel that had no animosity behind it, as far as she could tell.

“If she and Ophelia didn’t have such similar features, I would believe it,” Lionel agreed. “Did Morticia ever tell you about the one Halloween that their mother dressed them up as Dolly Parton and Cher?”

“I’ve seen the pictures!” Gomez said with a loud laugh. “God, Tish, you looked so miserable.”

“Yes, well, pink sequins are not my wheelhouse and my mother should have realized this.”

“You know it's funny, the two of you sort of remind me of a goth Sonny and Cher. God forbid you would ski into a tree though, Gomez.”

“Why not?” Gomez asked. “That sounds fun!”

“Gomez!” Fester’s voice echoed from somewhere upstairs. “I need you now! It's an emergency!” 

“Coming!” he yelled back before leaning down to kiss the top of Morticia’s head. “I swear, if he got his thumb stuck in the toilet tank again…” 

“He seems to really love you, Morticia,” Lionel said softly once Gomez was out of the room. “It's as if you got everything you wanted.”

Morticia smiled to herself. “I suppose I did. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how lucky I am.”

“I envy that,” Lionel said sincerely, a sort of frown crossing his face. “I envy… well, never mind.”

“Go on,” she said, her curiosity getting the best of her.

Lionel shook his head. “I really shouldn’t. It's just, my divorce was rougher than I’m willing to admit. I keep it together for Colin, but I can’t help feeling like a screw up. On that topic, I always think about how different things might be… it is one of my biggest regrets that I didn’t-”

“Morticia!” Mama squawked, making her way into the room. “Morticia, your man eating plant swallowed another one of my hair brushes!”

“Mama, I have told you so many times that you cannot brush your hair near Cleopatra,” Morticia sighed. “She loves the taste of porcupine quills. Excuse me, Lionel, I’m going to go see if I can make her cough it up.”

“Right, I guess I’ll go find my room. Goodnight, Morticia,” Lionel said, gazing after her as she walked to the doorway.

“Goodnight, shriek if you need anything.”


	5. Ouija

“I don’t know about this.”

“Don’t be a sissy.”

“Aren’t we supposed to have a food offering?”

“Pugsley ate it.”

“How am I supposed to resist a freshly baked spider cookie?”

Wednesday rolled her eyes. “The food offering is arbitrary. Everyone place your fingers on the planchet,” she instructed, glancing around the dimly lit dungeon. She was only confident in Pugsley not screaming and running out two seconds in, but she was determined to make this ouija board session work. “Now, who has a question?”

Colin let out a shaky huff. “I want to know if a ghost is going to murder us,” he whispered to Wednesday.

“No, we aren’t lucky enough to have any malevolent spirits,” she sighed.

“Yet!” Pugsley added enthusiastically. 

“Oh, oh, I wanna know if Mrs. Franklin really keeps her dead cat in an ice block in her freezer!” Trevor said with excitement. 

Unsurprisingly, the planchet stayed put on the board. “You have to ask something that a ghost in this house would know,” Wednesday said. “Like this; does Uncle Fester use shampoo even though he’s bald?”

Slowly, the planchet slid across the board until it settled over YES. 

“You moved it, Pugsley!” Trevor accused, a slight quiver in his voice.

“Did not, a ghost did!” Pugsley shot back.

“I want to know why your bald uncle uses shampoo,” Colin said quietly.

The planchet slid again, spelling out the word STRANGE.

“Well there you have it,” Wednesday said.

“This is starting to freak me out,” Colin said apprehensively. “Should we go back up stairs maybe?” 

The planchet slid over to NO.

“Guys,” Colin whined. 

“Spirits, are you going to harm us?” Wednesday asked, mostly because she was very amused by how scared these newbies were.

The planchet slid back to YES, which resulted in both Colin and Trevor screaming at the top of their lungs. They shot to their feet and started running in circles since neither of them were exactly sure how to get out of the dungeon. 

“I wanna go upstairs!” Colin yelled again.

“I have to pee!” Trevor cried as he ran directly into an old electric chair.

Wednesday and Pugsley descreetly high fived as they laughed at the chaos they caused. “Should we put them out of their misery?”

“I suppose,” Wednesday sighed. She folded up the board and stood, walking over to turn on the lights. “Fine, the ghosts won't get us if we leave right now.”

“Let's go!” the two boys said at the same time.

“Follow Pugsley. And don’t turn around.”

“Why not?” Trevor whimpered.

“They don’t like that.”

Trevor and Colin screamed again, both of them clinging to Pugsley’s shirt as he walked far too slowly up the stairs. “Wednesday, we should have sleepovers more often!” Pugsley called over his shoulder.

“I think you might be right about that, Pugsley.”


	6. A Bloody Nose of Interruption

Morticia walked into their bedroom after retrieving Mama’s hairbrush from Cleopatra to find Gomez all dressed for bed, sitting up reading a newspaper. She paused out of the sheer shock she was feeling. Gomez wearing clothing in the bed? Engrossed in what appeared to be a year old paper instead of lying in wait to pounce on her the moment she walked in? And was he drinking tea?

“Gomez?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow as she shut and locked the door behind her.

He peered up over the paper and Morticia noticed he was wearing his reading glasses. “Oh, hello, darling. How are you this evening?”

“Confused,” she said flatly, crossing her arms. 

“Oh?” he questioned, folding his paper down to look at her. “And why is that, my beloved?” 

Morticia quickly shook her head, trying not to appear as phased as she was. “I was just expecting… nudity.” 

“Naughty naughty, Morticia mia.”

Morticia’s confusion only grew further. She rested her hands on her hips, lips pursed. “In that case I suppose I’ll go get ready for bed.”

“Alright, dear,” he hummed, turning back to his paper.

Then it clicked. This was some act because no matter what he said the fact of the matter was, Gomez was jealous of Lionel. Morticia knelt on the edge of the bed and slowly crawled up to him. She grabbed the paper and flung it behind her. “Gomez…”

“Tish?” 

“You are being very, very petty,” Morticia whispered before pulling the glasses off his face.

“I have no idea what you could possibly mean by that,” Gomez said with a shrug. “I was simply trying to read the paper.”

Thunder crackled outside as lightning surged. Morticia narrowed her eyes at him as his face remanded stoic. “You’re punishing me for something that isn’t my fault and frankly if you don’t own up to it I am going to get upset.”

That broke Gomez almost in an instant. “Tish, no, please, I’m sorry,” he sighed. “Okay, you’re right, I was being childish and I was jealous.”

Morticia frowned and crossed her arms. “Gomez, why?”

“He knows so much about you! He even has a nickname for you! A horrible nickname, but a nickname nonetheless.” He pouted slightly. “I like being the only one giving you nicknames.”

“Gomez Addams, don’t you know that you are the only man for me?” Morticia asked, trying to fight the affection in her voice to sound more stern. “Lionel could give me a thousand nicknames and it would mean absolutely nothing. I love you and only you and I will love only you for as long as I live… and even after.”

Gomez couldn’t help but grin. “I know, querida, I know. It's just nice to hear you say it.”

Morticia huffed, shaking her head at him as she slid off the bed. “You are a literal child. I have three children.”

“What?” he called after her as she walked to the bathroom. “Morticia! Querida!”

“I am going to wash my face,” she said, looking at him over her shoulder. “When I come back, I expect you to stop throwing a pity party for yourself.” 

“But, Tish, I do so love a party.”

“Child,” she said again before closing the door.

“Would a child have such a spectacular mustache?” he called.

Quickly, the bathroom door swung open and Morticia stuck her head out. “Gomez you were born with that mustache!”

“Oh yeah…” he said, pulling a cigar out of his robe pocket. 

Morticia made sure she shut the door before he could see her grin. She was faking being mad at him, after all. If he continued to be so adorable, she wasn’t going to be able to keep it up for long.

“Moooooriciaaaaaa!” he started singing about five minutes later, making her stop short. 

“Gomez!” she yelled back. “Be patient!” 

He huffed loudly before groaning. “Fine!”

Five minutes later she walked out, finding him laying on his back, glaring up at the black canopy above their bed. She crossed her arms, no longer able to hide her smile. “What are you doing now, darling?”

Gomez leaned his head back to look at her. “Contemplating.” 

Morticia shook her head. “Contemplating what?” 

“Come here and I’ll tell you.”

“That's a ploy if I’ve ever heard one.”

“But I have your curiosity piqued!”

“You are in a very strange mood,” Morticia said as she knelt on the edge of the bed. “I rather enjoy it.”

Gomez grinned, springing up to pull Morticia against him before spinning her around and pinning her against the mattress. “I’ve caught you at last! My elusive querida fish.”

Morticia laughed loudly, shaking her head. “I’m a fish now?”

“A delightfully beautiful fish, Tish!”

“Oh no, he's rhyming now,” she said flatly. “Gomez, be honest, have you been drinking?”

“Nope!” he grinned widely, lowering his face so their noses were touching. “I’m just very eager to keep our guests up tonight.”

“Gomez,” she sighed. “Just kiss me already.”

“No!” screamed a voice outside their door. “No, it's gonna get me!”

Gomez picked his head up, eyebrows creased in confusion. “What the hell was that?”

“Help!” the voice screamed before there was a thunk against their door. “Owie!”

“None of our children would ever say owie,” he pointed out.

“It sounded like Pugsley’s friend,” Morticia said. “Could you please get off of me so I can go help the poor dear?”

Gomez grumbled to himself but did as she asked, rolling to the side. “Everyone in this house is out to get me.”

“Not true, darling, not true.”

Morticia opened the door to find Trevor laying flat on the other side with a bloody nose. “Mrs. Addams,” he sobbed, “I broke my nose on your door because a ghost was chasing me!”

“I was just fooling!” Pugsley said, rushing around the corner and pulling a sheet off his head. “I’m sorry, Trevor!”

“Pugsley,” Morticia sighed. “You were supposed to be asleep, not torturing your friend. You had plenty of time to torture him earlier.”

“I need to go to the hospital!” Trevor whined as Morticia helped him to a sitting position.

Morticia took a quick look at his face. “It's just bleeding, dear. Come with me, we’ll clean it up.”

“I’ve got towels, Tish!” Gomez yelled from in the room. “Bring the young chap in!”

“Come in, Pugsley,” Morticia said sternly. “Calm your friend down, tell him our ghosts don’t chase people.”

“Yeah, what Mother said,” Pugsley said. “I really am sorry, Trevor.”

“It's okay,” Trevor said, his voice sounding rather nasal. “This is the most fun sleepover I’ve ever been to! I’ve never gotten an injury before!”

“I have always said we have the most fun house in town!” Gomez exclaimed as he set Trevor on the sink in their bathroom. “Now, let's take a look at that nose!”


	7. Cockblockers

The next morning, long after Trevor had been picked up, Lionel and Colin were finally gearing up to leave the Addams house, and for Gomez it was a relief. “I hope this isn’t goodbye forever again,” Lionel was saying as he paused in the front door. 

“Oh, I’m sure the children will want to play again soon,” Morticia said, oblivious to Lionel’s implication that Gomez was distinctly aware of.

“Oh, um,” Lionel said, clearly scrambling to come up with a reason to see Morticia again. “Gomez! Do you like to golf?”

Gomez did a double take, not expecting that at all. “Oh, yes, I do like to golf. I mostly just shoot balls from the roof of the conservatory.”

“How about you and I hit the links tomorrow?” Lionel suggested. “I’m a member at Sunny Grove, it's a beautiful course.” 

Gomez was a millisecond away from telling Lionel where he could shove his golf clubs when Morticia subtly pinched the inside of his arm. “Sounds great!” he said through gritted teeth.

“Great, I’ll pick you up!” Lionel said in a chipper tone. “Colin, say goodbye to Wednesday!”

“Bye, Wednesday!” Colin said, making Wednesday cringe with how happy he sounded. “I had lots of fun!”

“Goodbye, Colin,” she replied in her flat tone, giving no indication that she actually did have fun. 

“Sunny Grove?” Gomez yelled in disgust once the door was shut. “Tish, I must weasel out of it!”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Gomez, do Addams weasel out of things?”

“Constantly!”

“It was very nice of Lionel to ask you,” Morticia said, taking Wednesday’s hand and walking into the sitting room. “And you love making new friends.”

His eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Since when?”

“Since always,” she said with a soft laugh. “Why is Lionel any different?”

“I can’t say in front of Wednesday,” he quickly replied.

“I know every swear word in the book,” Wednesday pointed out. “Mostly thanks to Pugsley, if you want to punish him.” 

Morticia shook her head in amusement. “Wednesday, dear, run along and play. I think Uncle Fester is out back with his dynamite caps.”

A small smile tugged at Wednesday’s lips as she turned and left the room. Instantly Morticia rounded on Gomez, arching her eyebrow as she awaited an explanation. “Well?”

“Nothing, querida, nothing,” he sighed. “I’m just a bit tired is all.”

“I thought you were past the whole being jealous of Lionel thing,” Morticia said, because she knew that's what was really going on. “Gomez,” she said sternly when he didn’t respond. 

“I am past it!” he cried, dramatically throwing his hands up in the air. “It's just been awhile since I’ve golfed…” 

“You’ll be marvelous, darling,” Morticia said softly, patting his cheek. “Who else gets a hole in one through their neighbor’s window every time?”

“That's true,” he said happily with a modest shrug. “I suppose this gives me no reason to complain or try and weasel out of it.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Morticia said with a smirk. “Now stop torturing yourself… that's my job.”

“Oh, Tish,” he sighed, wrapping his arms around her. “Do you promise to never grow tired of me?”

“Gomez, what an odd thing to say,” she said with a shake of her head. “I could never tire of you, not in a million years.”

“Thank you, cara mia,” he whispered, inclining his head toward her’s. 

Before he could kiss her, she reached up and placed the back of her hand against his forehead. “Darling, I’m worried you’re getting sick. You’ve been very up and down these past few days.”

“I am sick, dreadfully so, and I’m afraid you’re keeping me from reaching the only cure.” He pushed her hand away and leaned in once again, this time successfully capturing her lips against his. 

“All better?” she asked as his lips slid down her jaw to her neck.

“Not quite yet,” he mumbled against her skin, sending goosebumps across her flesh. He pushed her hair to the side, finding the small zipper on the back of her dress. “Almost there, though.”

“Darling,” Morticia said with a hum, “we’re in the living room.”

“We’re married.” 

“With children.”

“They’re outside,” he said, pulling the zipper down even further, his lips sliding down to kiss her chest. “They’re playing with dynamite, they’ll be entertained for an hour at least.”

Morticia considered that for a moment. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Gomez said smugly, pushing the fabric from her shoulders. “And now I am going to rav-”

“Mother, Uncle Fester needs a bandage!” Pugsley yelled, tearing down the hall and into the living room.

“Can someone in this house not be out to cock block me FOR FIVE MINUTES?” Gomez yelled before quickly zipping Morticia back up.

“Mother, Father just said cock,” Pugsley pointed out.

“Ignore your father, dear,” Morticia said with a sigh, taking Pugsley by the shoulders. “Let's go make sure your uncle didn’t hit a major artery.”


	8. Four!

“So, Gomez… exactly how long has it been since you golfed?” Lionel tentatively asked as he watched Gomez tee off at the second hole. After the first hole took him a half hour, Lionel wasn’t sure what to expect from the rest of the day.

“On a course?” Gomez asked as he practiced his swing, wiggling his hips exaggeratedly as he did so. “I can’t quite remember. I usually get kicked off so I’ve stopped going.” 

“That makes perfect sense,” Lionel said to himself. 

Gomez took a swing, the ball cracked loudly and soared over the green. It hit a tree and ping ponged to another before sailing backward away from the hole and landing with a giant thud in the sand. 

Gomez grinned, very pleased with himself. “And yet another excellent shot! Don’t worry, old sport, you’ll get the hang of it,” he said, clapping Lionel on the shoulder before grabbing his bag and walking off.

Lionel shook his head in disbelief before he jogged to catch up. “So, uh, Gomez, how did you and Morticia meet?”

“Ah, it's such a romantic story,” Gomez said, grinning around his cigar. “I was dating Ophelia, then I met Morticia, and the rest is history.”

Lionel let out a laugh. “You were dating Ophelia? That is shocking for many reasons.”

“You’re telling me.”

Lionel stopped, finding his ball midway on the green. “Morticia really is something though, isn’t she? God, I had such a thing for her back in the day.”

Gomez’s good mood soured instantly. “Well, I can hardly blame you for that,” he said, nearly biting his cigar in half.

“I probably drove her insane,” Lionel laughed as he hit his ball. “I was always stopping by, leaving her love notes. One time I left her a pink carnation and boy was that a mistake.”

Gomez glanced down at the club in his hand, considering for a moment how satisfying it would be to smash Lionel in the head with it. He grinned as he pictured the way his skull would crack and his brains would spill out as his body dropped to a heap on the grass. Gomez let out a chuckle, causing Lionel to turn around with a questioning look.

“Oh, um, yes, I’m sure Morticia hated that,” he recovered quickly. “The sight of pink makes her nauseous.” 

“Tell me more about you, Gomez,” Lionel said with a smile that Gomez wanted to smack off his face. “From what Mo was telling me, your life sounds absolutely fascinating.” 

The use of that god awful nickname made Gomez nearly bend his club in half. “I don’t really know what there is to say. You would be bored hearing about all my business ventures, I’m sure. What's exciting about a crocodile farm in Zimbabwe?” 

Lionel shrugged. “I’ve never heard of anything like that before. But to be fair, I don’t get out much.”

The golf game continued on at a dreadfully slow pace, thanks to Gomez who was blissfully unaware. When they finally ended, Lionel suggested grabbing a drink in the club house. Gomez was missing Morticia terribly and the thought of spending more time with Lionel was not great. However, he could almost hear Morticia telling him he was rude for leaving early, so he agreed to stay.

“Ah, nothing like a stiff drink after a round of golf!” Lionel said happily. “Thanks for coming with me today, Gomez. I usually golf by myself. I usually get done a lot quicker, but it was nice to have company.”

Gomez smiled amicably around his cigar. “It was good to get out and do something out of the norm.” 

“I get it, being at home can be suffocating,” Lionel said with a laugh. 

“Oh, that's not it at all,” Gomez said quickly. “I love being at home. But it's also fun to go do things.” 

“Well listen, if you like doing things, there's this charity ball my company is throwing this weekend. You and Morticia should come!”

“We do love a good party! What's the charity?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” Lionel said with a shrug. “Widows or orphans, maybe.”

“Ah, of course, we need more of them.”

Lionel shook his head in confusion. “Uh… right, anyway, if you and Mo can come it would be fantastic. I can send her the details later.”

“Or you could give them to me now,” Gomez suggested, not loving the idea of Lionel secretly texting his wife later.

Lionel shrugged. “I don’t know anything off the top of my head. I have to get the information from my office.”

“Yes, right,” Gomez said, suspicion creeping in. “Of course.”

“Anyway,” Lionel said in that happy way of his, “Wednesday sure is a smart girl. Colin has told me some hilarious stories about her. She sounds like she really takes after Mo.”

Gomez cringed. That nickname was like nails on a chalkboard, but far less enjoyable. He was liable to snap if Lionel referred to Morticia as ‘Mo’ one more time. But instead he just put on a friendly face. “She certainly does take after her mother.”

“I even remember Morticia wearing her hair the same way.” He let out a soft laugh. “I thought if I pulled on one of her braids it would bother her, because that's what little boys did, but she seemed to like it…” 

There was a loud smash as Gomez crushed the brandy snifter in his hand, sending shards of glass flying across the bar. Lionel’s eyes widened in shock, his mouth falling open. Gomez was less phased, however. He casually pulled a shard out of his palm and set it on the bar. 

“My bad, I guess I don’t know my own strength.” He pulled out $200 and set it beside the mess. “Well, I suppose I will take that as my cue to get home. I suppose Morticia and I will see you this weekend.”

“Yes, for sure… is your hand okay?”

Gomez shrugged and looked down at the gash. “What's a little blood?”

Before Lionel could even respond to that, Gomez was out the door and making a beeline for the car. Once safely inside, he took a deep breath of the stale, steamy air, trying to clear his mind. His jealousy was getting out of hand and he knew that, he just couldn’t seem to help himself. Lionel sent him into a seething rage that even his excellent game of golf couldn’t cure.

He looked down at his bloody hand, sighing deeply. “Morticia is going to be so mad at me…”


	9. Playing Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so something happens in this chapter and we all know that it happens so it shouldn't come as a shock to anyone but still... I'm not sure what my point is here just... you'll know when you see it

“Darling, I’m so happy you’re home,” Morticia said as she walked into the foyer to greet Gomez. “How was the game?”

“I scored a four hundred!” he said happily as he leaned in to kiss her, not so subtly hiding his hand behind his back.

“Darling, that sounds like a new record, well done,” Morticia praised. She leaned up to kiss him again, noticing for the first time the odd fact that he was only embracing her with one arm. “Gomez, what's in your hand?”

“Nothing!” 

Morticia narrowed her eyes at him. Swiftly, she spun around so she was behind him, gripping his wrist tightly so he couldn’t squirm away. She bent his fingers back, forcing his hand open, exposing the gash in the middle of his palm.

“Gomez, while this is a lovely gash, I would like to know how you got it and why you were hiding it from me.”

Gomez shrugged, pulling his hand from her grip. “I crushed a brandy snifter, it's no big deal.”

Morticia crossed her arms, frowning up at him. “From how ashamed you seem I’m assuming you didn’t do it for fun.”

“It was an accident!” Gomez cried. “Had I done it on purpose, I would have waited until all my brandy was gone!”

“Gomez Addams, did you do this in a fit of jealousy?” Morticia asked, grabbing his wrist once again as she led him to the stairs. 

“My answer depends on whether or not you’ve changed your stance on how much you hate lying.” 

Morticia groaned loudly but didn’t say anything.

“Wonderful Lurch impression, querida.”

She shook her head and silently pulled him into their bedroom and to the bathroom. She yanked on the sink, making it as hot as possible before jamming his hand under it. Gomez winced slightly before he adjusted to the pain, his eyes searching Morticia’s face for a sign of anything.

“What am I going to do with you?” she eventually asked before slapping a large dollop of soap in the middle of his gash.

He winced again before biting out a cheeky retort. “Spank me, maybe?”

She rolled her eyes up to glare at him. “Only if you promise me right now that you’ll knock this silly behavior off!”

Gomez’s face melted into a frown as he noticed how genuinely anguished she looked. “Morticia mia, I am so very sorry for making you feel this way, but it is only a testament to how much I love you. The way Lionel goes on and on about you, it makes my blood boil!”

Morticia sighed as she yanked open a drawer and pulled out a bandage. “Gomez, the man wears khaki pants with sneakers. How could you ever think that I would pick him over you?”

“I don’t think that, my love, I don’t,” he said, placing his good hand on her shoulder. “I just can’t stand to see another man look at you the way I do.”

She pursed her lips, clearly trying to contain a smile as she tied off the bandage. “No man could possibly look at me the same way you do, Gomez. And just because Lionel had a crush on me when we were children does not mean he has any of those same feelings now.”

“He is divorced, Tish.”

“So what? I’m quite happily married, thank you very much. It just appears that my husband is a bit of a hard head from time to time.” She swatted his arm. “Now, does your hand feel better?”

“The bandage is kind of tight. I like it.”

“What did Lionel even say to make you crush a glass?” Morticia asked, leaning tiredly against the black marble counter. 

Gomez shrugged sheepishly, glancing around the bathroom instead of at Morticia. “He said he used to pull on your braids and you liked it.”

“My hair pulling kink had to start somewhere.”

Gomez whipped his head back around. “That is not funny, Morticia!”

She smiled sadistically. “Oh, Gomez, darling. You can be so easy sometimes.” 

He huffed angrily and jumped up to sit on the sink. “I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you Lionel has invited us to some charity ball this weekend.”

Morticia spun to look at him, placing her hands on his thighs. “We don’t have to go.”

“I already said we would,” he glumly admitted.

“Why did you agree to go if you so clearly hate the man?”

“Because I didn’t want you thinking I was rude for turning him down. Or worse, accusing me of jealousy, but it's a bit late for that one.” He looked down at his bandaged hand, feeling rather foolish. If he was going to get wounded he would have preferred having a cool story behind it to brag about to the children. This was anything but. “And I know how much you love a charity ball, Tish.”

“You really are such a darling,” she ruefully admitted. “And I could never truly be mad at you.”

“Could have fooled me,” he grumbled. “You didn’t even kiss my hand to make it better!”

“You are a full grown child, do you realize this?”

Using his best puppy dog eyes, Gomez lifted his hand so it was hovering in front of her mouth, which resulted in Morticia smacking it away. He just lifted it again until she relented, leaving a perfect lipstick mark behind on the bandage.

“Happy?”

“Very. But, Tish, do you know what else has a pain in it?”

“My ass,” she flatly responded.

“Oh, very crass, querida,” Gomez said with a laugh, his eyebrows bouncing. “You’re full of jokes today. I am no more a pain in your ass than you are in mine.”

“Well…” Morticia began thoughtfully, allowing him to pull her into a somewhat awkward embrace. “I am sometimes a pain in your ass.”

Gomez’s eyes bulged as her true meaning dawned on him. A wide grin spread across his face as he let out a low laugh. “Oh, Tish… you can’t just say that and leave me hanging.”

She smirked and pulled back to look directly at him. “And you just know that Lionel would be terrified of getting pegged.”

Gomez was nearly drooling as he slid off the counter. “Sucks to be him.”

“Indeed it does.” She took his hands and started pulling him back toward the door. “Now come on, what are you waiting for?”

In a sweeping motion Gomez pulled Morticia into his arms and burst out of the bathroom. “This is turning out to be a wonderful day!”


	10. My Life in your Delicate Hands

“Why is father sitting so weird?” Wednesday asked later that evening as they were all gathered around the dining room table.

Gomez and Morticia shared a look, a sly smile spreading across Gomez’s face as Morticia quickly made up an excuse. “Your father sat on a dagger this afternoon, that is all.”

“I sat on a pencil at school the other day,” Pugsley said as he shoved a forkfull into his mouth. “So I get it.”

Gomez shook his head. “Somehow I don’t think it's the same.”

“Mama,” Morticia said quickly, eager to change the subject. “Would it be possible for you to keep an eye on the children Saturday night? Gomez and I are going to a charity ball.”

Mama let out a long sigh before she shrugged. “Sure, I can move some things around. It will be fun!”

“Why didn’t you ask me?” Fester said indignantly. 

“Because last time you were in charge Pugsley poured acid on Mother and Father’s bed and Father fell through the hole,” Wednesday said flatly.

“Oh yeah…” 

“What's the charity ball for?” Mama asked. 

“We aren’t entirely sure,” Morticia said with a shrug. “Lionel invited us.”

“Oof,” Fester said with a shake of his head. “Sorry, Gomez.”

“No need to say that, Fester!” Gomez said a bit too loudly and a bit too quickly to be conspicuous. “I’m quite happy getting to go spend more time with Lionel! And Morticia with Lionel. Even better!”

“I don’t even know why this is a topic of conversation,” Morticia said. “Children, how was your day?”

“I ate twenty tacos at lunch,” Pugsley said proudly.

“I put a tarantula in my teacher's desk,” Wednesday tacked on. “It will be a wonderful surprise for her tomorrow.” 

“Very nice, darling,” Morticia said with a small smile. “I’m sure she’ll be very happy.”

“I hope not,” Wednesday said under her breath. 

Dinner continued on in a way that appeared normal to everyone else, but Morticia felt tense. All would have been fine if Fester hadn’t insinuated what he insinuated. She thought she and Gomez had resolved everything this afternoon, but that could have undone everything. She glanced over at Gomez, eyeing his bandaged hand apprehensivly. 

It also occurred to Morticia that she could be inadvertently making the situation worse by reacting the way she did. If she could just sit there and pretend that Gomez wasn’t jealous, then maybe all the issues would go away. Not that there were issues to begin with. She and Gomez didn’t have issues. It was something she prided herself on.

And perhaps she should be flattered… no, that didn’t feel quite right to her either. The main root of her issue was Gomez worrying that some other man could come and sweep her away. Sure, Gomez was much more vocal in his adoration than she was, but that didn’t mean she loved him any less than he loved her. She would die or kill for him and find it just as blissful as he would! Morticia thought she proved her love over and over, night after night, but perhaps maybe she was just too subdued. 

“My darling, you’ve been very quiet since dinner,” Gomez observed later that night when he found Morticia gazing out the window of his study. He came up behind her, clapsing his hands on her shoulders, resting his chin on the top of her head. “Is something troubling you?”

Morticia remained silent for a moment longer, still looking out over the headstones in the graveyard. She had everything she could have ever dreamed of right in the palm of her hand. She was thankful beyond words for every single advantage in her life, for her children, for her husband who was so inhumanly wonderful it confused her sometimes.

“Gomez,” she sighed, letting her eyes flutter shut as she leaned back against him. “Do you know how much I love you?”

He laughed softly, taking a step back which prompted Morticia to turn to face him. “What brought a question like that on?”

“Just answer it,” she said softly, her brow creased with concern.

“Morticia,” he began, looking somewhat confused. “Of course I do.”

She closed the small gap between them and wrapped her arms around his waist. She closed her eyes and rested her cheek on his chest, breathing in the scent of cigar mixing with expensive, Italian cologne. Gomez slowly closed his arms around her, stroking his hand down her long length of hair.

“Morticia, you’re worrying me,” he said after another stretch of silence. 

She shrugged, still keeping her face to his chest. “I was just thinking that maybe I need to tell you I love you more.”

“Tish,” he laughed. “You tell me you love me every day.”

“But I should tell you more,” she insisted. “I don’t ever want you to doubt my feelings for a second.”

“Morticia… I don’t. Not ever.”

“Then why…” her voice cracked in spite of how hard she was trying to keep it together. “After all these years why don’t you trust me?” she asked, pushing away from him with a sudden violence she wasn’t expecting.

Gomez looked as shocked as if she slapped him across the face. “Whatever I did to give you that impression I am deeply sorry, Morticia. I trust you with my life!” He raised up his hands, the bandage on his palm snagging his eye. “Oh… oh God, Morticia mia, is this all because of how jealous I got over Lionel?”

“I can’t even blame you for it, Gomez,” she sighed in defeat, sinking down to the bench in front of the window. “Because clearly I have been giving you the wrong impression. Clearly I haven’t been doing enough and I’m so sorry!”

The most heart wrenching part of what Gomez was hearing was there wasn’t an ounce of sarcasm in Morticia’s monologue. She truly believed she was at fault for his jealous tendencies and he couldn’t have felt worse about it. He knelt down in front of her, feeling completely shocked as he placed his hands on her thighs. He shook his head, looking for the right words to say.

“I’m the one who is sorry. Morticia, I cannot stand that another man may be eyeing up my wife in a less than savory way. That, in no way, shape, or form has a single thing to do with you. You are not at fault, you are not who I am angry at. I shouldn’t be angry period and you’re right about that, it's just that I can’t seem to help myself. I know that you love me, Morticia. And I hope you know how much I do trust you.”

“I would die for you, Gomez,” she said, her voice dripping with sincerity as she took his face in her hands. “You’re my world. My entire reason for being… children aside.”

“And you are mine.” He leaned in and kissed her gently. “My everything. And to prove just how much I trust you…” He shot to his feet, pulling off his tie in the process. He handed it to Morticia before dashing across the room to pull a crossbow off the wall. “Tie that around your eyes.”

She looked in confusion between Gomez and the silk tie in her hands. “Why…”

“Because I am going to prove to you just how much I trust you,” he said, his voice reaching an excitable level. He set the crossbow on the bench beside her and rushed over to his desk, pulling an apple out of the crystal bowl he kept there for target practice, not to eat. “Tie the tie around your eyes and pick up the crossbow.” 

“Gomez,” Morticia said, watching in utter confusion as he stood against the opposite wall and placed the apple on his head. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I trust my wife to shoot an apple off my head while blindfolded,” he said simply. “So whenever you’re ready, Tish.”

Under different circumstances, Morticia would have found this to be an exciting task. She was an excellent shot, after all. But she was feeling far too emotional at the moment to have any sort of confidence about this. “Gomez, you really don’t have to prove anything to me.”

“I want you to do this,” he said insistently. “I am putting my life in your delicate hands, and I couldn’t have more faith in you.”

Seeing that he wasn’t going to back down, Morticia slowly tied the tie around her head. With a deep breath, she lifted the crossbow, her hands trembling slightly. This wasn’t like her at all, the whole situation had her so out of sorts it nearly made her mad. This revelation, however, caused the trembling to stop. That realization in mind, she lifted the bow and drew in a deep breath.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“Always.”

Morticia fired, the kick back of the bow pushing against her shoulder. There was a dull thunk and Morticia’s stomach momentarily sunk. She quickly cast the bow aside and ripped the tie from her eyes, only to find Gomez beaming back at her. He stepped forward, leaving the apple pinned to the wall by her arrow. 

“Cara mia, I knew you could do it!” Gomez said happily. He rushed forward and pulled Morticia into his arms.

She hugged him tightly back, feeling a strange rush of relief flood over her. “Can we move past this whole incident?” she asked. “It's very unlike us.”

“Very unlike you,” Gomez laughed. “I will remain jealous of any man who so much as looks at you lustfully. You signed up for a latin lover and you got one in spades.”

Morticia shook her head, squeezing him tighter. “I love you, Gomez.”

“I love you, Morticia.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. 

She tipped her head back, capturing his lips in a soft kiss. That's how they stayed for a long while, wrapped in each other, kissing with a slowness born from true passion. An indiscernible amount of time had passed before they finally broke apart. 

“Let's go to bed, Tish,” Gomez said before pressing another lingering kiss to her lips.

She nodded. “That sounds nice.”


	11. Interrogation

“Hi, Wednesday!” Colin said happily as he slid into the chair across from her at the lunch table. “What did you bring today?”

“Leftover eye of newt, nothing exciting,” she said with a shrug, looking disdainfully at Colin’s tray of school food. He opened his chocolate milk and started chugging, which made Wednesday’s frown deepen. “How do you drink that?” she asked.

“It's so good,” he sighed, wiping the milk mustache from his upper lip. “So, I’ve got a question for you.”

“Why?”

Colin seemed confused by that response. “What do you mean why?”

“Why are you going to ask me a question?”

“Be-because I have a question!”

The tiniest of smirks tugged at the edge of her lips. “Fine.” 

Colin shook his head in confusion before responding. “Do your parents fight about anything?”

Wednesday froze mid bite, putting her fork back in her black container. “They fence a lot…” she said, not sure she liked where this was going.

“No, I don’t mean sword fight,” Colin said, glancing down at his lap. “I mean argue.” 

“No,” Wednesday said slowly. “They never argue. It's weird but it's true.”

Colin nodded and looked back at his lap. “Okay… and what is your mom’s favorite flower?”

Wednesday was too smart for this nonsense. She knew something was up, but she was going to wait it out for the time being. “A dead one.” 

“Alrightie.” He looked down yet again. “And does your father perhaps have affiliations with a drug cartel?”

“Give me the note card you’re reading off of and tell me why you have it and you don’t have to get hurt,” Wednesday said calmly, holding out her hand expectantly.

Though her tone was calm, Colin knew better than to take this lightly. Wednesday meant business, so he handed over the card. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, resting his chin in his hand. “My dad bribed me with a new nerf gun if I asked you those things.”

Wednesday glared at him before scanning down the card. All the questions were about her parents. “Why does your father want to know these things?”

“That he wouldn’t tell me,” Colin sighed. “Are you mad at me?”

“You? No. Who could resist a new weapon?” She folded up the note and slid it up her sleeve. “If he doesn’t deliver, I can get you a real gun.”

Colin’s eyes went wide beneath his glasses. “Really?” 

Wednesday shrugged. “We’ll see. As for right now, we’re going to pretend this didn’t happen.”

“Okay, cool. I gotta tell you about this movie I saw last night!”

…

For some reason, Wednesday kept Lionel Barker’s list of questions to herself. Normally she would have told Pugsley as soon as they got on the bus, but a strange feeling made her keep her mouth shut. She wanted to talk to her father about it before anyone else. That same strange feeling was the reason she was also going to keep her mother in the dark. That would only last so long, however, seeing as their parents told each other everything.

Surprisingly and working to Wednesday’s advantage, her parents were not attached at the hip when she walked in. Her mother was in the conservatory with her grandmother, where Pugsley instantly ran to join in on their conversation. Wednesday silently slipped upstairs, finding her father in his study, squinting at a paper in his hand.

“Father?” 

Gomez jumped slightly as Wednesday shut the door behind her. “You have your mother’s gift for sneaking.”

“Am I interrupting?” she asked, crossing her arms.

He smiled, putting down his papers and patting his lap. “I always have time for you, my little Attila.” 

“I have something unpleasant to discuss with you,” she said, tentatively taking a seat on his lap.

“All the better!”

“You may change your tune,” she said, pulling the note card out of her pocket. “Colin was questioning me at lunch under his father’s instruction. About you and Mother.” 

She watched as his face dropped. His dark eyes scanned over the note, frown growing with each question. “Mother fucker… don’t repeat that.” 

“So it is as dubious as I thought, then?” Wednesday asked.

“Nothing for you to worry about,” Gomez said, though Wednesday didn’t believe him. He kissed the top of her head before scooting her off his lap. “Run along and play, let me worry about this.”

“If you want revenge I’m your go to,” she said, facing him down. “I know how to make arsen look accidental.” 

Gomez smiled proudly as he tucked the note away in his pocket. “I know, Wednesday, thank you. If it comes to that you’ll be the first person I go to. Now go on, I have to have a word with your mother.”

Wednesday frowned. “Gross.”

“No,” Gomez laughed, shaking his hand. “I mean actually have a word.”

“I have lived here long enough to know not to believe that,” Wednesday grumbled as she headed toward the door. She paused as she reached for the knob, even though she was eager to put space between herself and her parents. 

“Wednesday? Are you alright?” Gomez asked. “I mean it when I say you don’t have to be bothered by this.”

“Mr. Barker likes Mother, doesn’t he?” Wednesday asked, turning away from the door. “You know, the way you do.”

“First things first,” Gomez said as he pulled out a cigar. “No one likes your mother the way I do. And while yes, I do think what you’re saying may be the case, this is a rather delicate subject. It's best to keep it between you and I. For now, at least. We don’t need to worry Pugsley, he’s much more sensitive.”

Wednesday nodded. “I can do that.” She turned and left, deciding to put the matter out of mind. For now.


	12. A True Sicko!

“I thought we were past this,” Morticia sighed, crossing her arms.

“I was past this until Wednesday came home and showed me this.” Gomez reached into his pocket and pulled out Lionel’s list of questions, handing it over to Morticia.

Her eyes quickly scanned the note, a confused expression falling over her features. “Darling, what is this?”

“A list of questions Lionel sent Colin to school with. He was grilling Wednesday at lunch!”

“The perfect time to grill someone,” Morticia said with a shrug. “I really don’t understand this. Listen to this one; do your parents share a bedroom?”

“That's probably the most absurd question on the list!” Gomez cried, throwing his hands in the air.

“And not exactly something children should be discussing at lunch,” Morticia said with a deep frown. “I have to say this is quite an extensive line of questioning. What kind of perfume does your mom wear? How would that even come up in a casual conversation between kids?”

Gomez shrugged exaggeratedly. “Beats me, Tish. Clearly Lionel is a desperate man, sending his son to do his dirty work.”

“Why… why does he want my shoe size?” Morticia asked quietly, a shudder running up her back.

“A true sicko!” Gomez declared. “I’m surprised we didn’t find him in our closet, sniffing your shoes!”

“You know, I’ve found Thing napping in my shoes more than once…”

“Great, now I have to have a talk with Thing as well! No wonder he always volunteers to paint your toenails!”

“This is not about Thing,” Morticia said, holding out her hands. “Perhaps you were right about Lionel, but there really isn’t anything to do about it. He can like me all he wants, I only have eyes for you.”

Gomez nodded, closing the gap between them to kiss her. “I know that and I am confident in that.”

“You said that like you were reciting off a paper,” Morticia said flatly. “Look, let's skip the charity ball.”

“No, no, that isn’t what I wanted,” Gomez sighed, sinking down to sit on top of his desk. “I know how much you were looking forward to it. You even bought a new dress.”

“I just like shopping,” Morticia said with a shrug. “Gomez, you were right about Lionel. I don’t want to give him the wrong impression by showing up.” 

“No, we should go,” Gomez said, feeling like he would regret it. “Maybe set the record straight? If anything we can act so obnoxiously in love he gives up.”

“Act?” Morticia asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You know what I mean, querida,” he laughed, reaching for her hand. “One thing we’ve never done is have sex in front of a crowd, perhaps we should give it a try at the ball.”

Morticia let out a loud laugh, throwing her head back. “You, Mr. Lawyer, should know that's illegal.”

“I skipped that day,” he said with a grin. 

“You and I both know you’re far too jealous to let anyone watch us have sex.” She leaned forward and grabbed his lapels. “As am I, so it's off the table.”

“Out of curiosity… if the roles were reversed?”

Morticia rolled her eyes. “Perhaps I shouldn’t judge you so harshly, my darling. I’m not sure I’d handle another woman fawning over you so well.”

“I do tend to have a magnetic effect on women. And men.” 

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You are mine, Gomez Addams, don’t you forget that.”

“How could I?” he asked. “Your initials are carved into my leg.” 

Morticia smiled at him before her eyes were drawn back to the card in her hands. “Is your father Mexican?”

“What the hell?” Gomez cried as she handed him the card. “I’m Spanish, first of all, second, why does that matter? Is he a racist on top of a woman stealer? So what if I was Mexican?”

Morticia shrugged. “That explains the cartel question.”

“Racist!” Gomez cried, throwing the card behind him. “Nevertheless,” he said, his voice calming ever so slightly, “we said we would go and I still think we should, unless it would make you uncomfortable for any reason.” 

Morticia sighed, sliding her hands over his tense shoulders. She settled between his legs, glancing up at him from beneath her thick lashes. “It wouldn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“Then we go,” he said, taking her face in his hands. “And I am going to wear a sombrero and hold a chihuahua.”

“Ha! You wouldn’t pick up a chihuahua.”

“Shh, shh,” he said, pressing a finger to her lips. “Don’t spoil it.”

“You joke but you’re tense,” Morticia stated, giving his shoulders a squeeze. “Sit in your chair and take off your jacket.”

“Oh, then what?” he asked, sliding off the desk. “Are you going to tie me up?”

“I’m going to rub your shoulders, Gomez,” she said with a laugh, steering him back toward his desk chair. 

“Will you make it hurt at least?” he asked, slumping down after throwing his jacket to the side. 

“Of course, darling. Don’t I always?”

“Gahh,” he gasped as she gripped his shoulders. “That you do, querida mia.” After a moment of sitting in silence, Gomez spoke up once again. “I hate that he drug Wednesday into this. What's next?”

Morticia shook her head slightly, digging her fingers harder into his shoulders. “Put Lionel out of your mind, darling. I already have.” 

Gomez smirked to himself. “Well I like hearing that.”


	13. The Girls are Out Tonigh

“I never thought I would say this,” Gomez sighed as Morticia stepped out of the closet. “You look too sexy.”

Morticia crossed her exposed arms over the exceptionally deep v of her exceptionally tight dress. The swirling pattern of black beads across the black mesh was the only thing keeping prying eyes off of Morticia’s body. Gomez was still gawking as she glared at him.

“Gomez, I dress for two reasons. To make myself happy and to make your pants just a little bit tighter. I do not do this for anyone else,” she said softly, walking over and taking his hands in her own. “We really don’t have to go if you’re so uncomfortable.”

“Morticia my love, you look far too gorgeous for me to selfishly keep you inside,” he said, though she knew that was a load of bs. “Come on, we should get going.”

Morticia pushed up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaving a faint red smudge behind. “For the record, you look far too sexy as well. That suit is tailored perfectly.” 

He turned slightly, jutting his butt out toward Morticia. “How does my ass look?”

She smirked and playfully smacked his pinstriped ass cheek. “Careful, Gomez. I have a very strong urge to sink my teeth into that.”

“Oof, you’re going to make this a very long evening, aren’t you?”

Morticia laughed softly as she went to open the bedroom door. “Perhaps. Come along, we don’t want to be late.”

“Says who?” he argued back as they made their way down to the foyer. 

Wednesday and Pugsley were sitting at the bottom of the stairs, occupying themselves while they waited by playing some game where they ended up slapping each other a bunch of times. “Pugsley, your face is getting all red,” Morticia sighed. “It looks like you’ve been in the sun.”

“That's because he’s losing,” Wednesday said, turning her head slightly which gave Pugsley the perfect opportunity to slap her cheek. “Oh, you will pay for that.”

“Why are the girls out tonight?” Pugsley asked, looking up at Morticia.

Morticia and Gomez’s jaws both dropped open in shock at the same time. “Pugsley, you cannot say that to your mother,” Gomez said while fighting a losing battle to contain his laughter. 

“It's a special occasion,” is all Morticia said, gently smacking Gomez’s arm. 

“You look nice,” Wednesday said quickly, trying to not make a big deal out of the fact that she gave her mother a compliment. 

“Thank you, darling,” Morticia said, patting the top of her head. “Now, you two be good for Grandmama tonight. She’s old, she can only do so many rounds of alligator wrestling until she gets tired.”

“We know,” they said at the same time.

“We shouldn’t be out too late,” Gomez said, heading to the door. “Hopefully.” 

…

“This venue is…”

“Repulsive.” 

“I want to pluck my eyeballs out.”

“You do mine and I’ll do yours.” 

Bracing themselves, Gomez and Morticia walked into the botanical gardens, twin looks of horror on their faces. Morticia clung tightly to Gomez’s arm as they walked through the horrible rows of flowers and fairy lights to get to the main staging area. The sound of a string quartet drifted around them. Waiters strolled by with trays of obnoxiously pink punch garnished with orchids and Morticia cringed in disgust. 

“The air smells disgusting,” Gomez muttered, his nose crinkling. “Like flowers and fresh air.” 

“We’ll mingle for a bit then make a swift exit,” Morticia said right as Lionel spotted them through the crowd. 

“Morticia!” he cried, making a beeline toward them. “I’m so thrilled you could make it! You look absolutely fantastic.”

“Hello, Lionel,” Gomez quickly cut in, extending his hand. 

“Gomez,” he said less enthusiastically. “How is your hand doing?”

Gomez shrugged, looking down at the bandage wrapped around his hand. “Feels great, thanks for asking.”

Lionel nodded, his attention instantly going back to Morticia. “Can I get you a drink? There's a full bar and also appetizers.” 

“Red wine would be great, Gomez?” she said, turning slightly to look at him. Gomez, however, was engrossed in staring down Lionel who was staring at Morticia’s cleavage. She descreetly elbowed him, snapping him back to attention. “Gomez, a drink?”

“Oh, uh, whiskey, please.” 

“I’ll be right back with that!” Lionel said before disappearing through the crowd.

“He is ogling you like a piece of fudge!” Gomez said in a rather loud whisper. 

Morticia’s nose crinkled in distaste. “A piece of fudge?”

“Oh, you know what I mean. Look, I am going to hold my tongue because I know that's what you want me to do. Just know that I really do not like that guy.” 

“Yes, that couldn’t be more obvious if you got it tattooed across your forehead, my darling,” Morticia sighed, patting his cheek.

“I should go offer him some cocaine,” Gomez muttered sarcastically under his breath. 

Morticia rolled her eyes, finding that he was once again glaring at Lionel across the crowd. She took his chin in her hand, directing his gaze back toward her. “Gomez, darling, we can leave. Or, you could get your revenge by kissing me right now.”

“I’ll never turn down a chance to kiss you,” he said as he leaned in, kissing her right as Lionel came back with their drinks. Gomez felt a smug satisfaction as he pulled away to grab his glass. “Thanks, old chap.”

“No problem! I have to go mingle a bit, I’ll find you later,” Lionel said, his eyes on Morticia.

“He couldn’t be more obvious if he was slobbering like a dog,” Gomez scoffed.

“Let's take a walk,” Morticia suggested, winding her arm through his. “We can try to find a spot in these gardens that isn’t completely horrendous.” 

“Any spot with you, my dearest, is a place worth being in,” Gomez said with a grin as they set off down a random path. 

“You flatter me dreadfully, darling,” Morticia laughed. “All these years and you still manage to give me bats in my stomach.”

“And I intend to do just that until the end of time.”

Morticia smiled to herself as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “I certainly hope so.”

They came to a stop where the fairy lights ended, leaving a patch of the garden in darkness. Finding that much more suitable, they sunk down to a metal bench where they could enjoy a bit of gloom before having to go back. Morticia took a sip of her wine before deciding it was disgusting and dumping it into the plants behind her.

“Snob,” Gomez laughed.

“It's your fault that I’m a snob,” she shot back. “I was perfectly content to drink $10 wine until I met you.”

He grinned with pride, taking a sip of his own drink. “I for one am delighted by how much this tastes like a Sharpie, so don’t blame me.”

“The difference there is you love the taste of Sharpie and I find the taste of watered down grapes to be less than appealing,” Morticia said, twirling her empty wine glass between her fingers. 

“That's true. Mama had to take them away from me when I was younger,” he said with a shrug. “Fester too, he liked to shove them up his nose.”

Morticia laughed. “I can believe that. I’m sure the two of you were quite the handful.”

“That we were. Thing was there at least.”

“The handful expert.” 

“Ha! Indeed.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Morticia’s temple. “You know, this is rather nice.”

“It is,” she agreed, leaning into him. He wrapped his arm around her, his warm hand brushing her ice cold arm. “We should sneak out to lurk in dark gardens more often.”

“We could have a moonlight picnic,” Gomez said eagerly. “Maybe in a dense woods.”

“That sounds lovely,” Morticia said dreamily. “I’d say we should summon a demon while we’re at it, but I would rather it be just the two of us.”

“So would I, cara bella,” he said, leaning in to kiss her. “Your lips are cold,” he said with a soft laugh.

“It is rather cold out here,” Morticia said, kissing him again. “Luckily I have you, my hot blooded Castilian.” 

Just as their lips connected once again, a rather irritating sound broke through their cocoon. “Mo? Did you come back this way?” Lionel yelled.

Gomez growled in the back of his throat. “The audacity- WAIT!”

Morticia’s eyes went wide as Gomez abruptly shot to his feet. “What are you doing?”

“Hiding!” he hissed, jumping over the back of the bench. “Act like I’m not back here! I want to see what the snake has to say!”

“You’re only going to upset yourself!” Morticia whispered as he crashed into a bush and ducked down. “Gomez, honestly!”

“There you are,” Lionel said, walking into the small clearing. “I’ve been looking all over. Where's Gomez?”

Morticia crossed her arms, deciding to indulge her husband in this little endeavor. “Restroom.” 

“Oh, um, good actually. I kind of was hoping I could talk to you,” Lionel said, awkwardly wringing his hands. 

“Oh?” Morticia asked, her stomach dropping. “Wouldn’t you prefer to talk out… around other people?”

“No,” he said, taking a seat on the bench. “I need to talk to you alone.”

Morticia nodded, sinking down to the bench beside him. “Very well.”

Lionel let out a long exhale and Morticia glanced over at the bush Gomez was hiding in. She was surprised he hadn’t set it on fire with his rage already. “You see, Morticia, here’s the thing… I kind of am really, really in love with you.”

The bush shook. 

“Oh boy,” Morticia sighed.

“Seeing you again brought back all those feelings from when we were kids,” Lionel continued despite Morticia’s discomfort. “After my divorce I was in such a funk, then I saw you!”

“Lionel, you realize I’m married, right?” Morticia said. “Happily married.”

“Let's be frank, Mo, your husband is a loose cannon.”

“And I love that about him,” she said resolutely, her frown growing by the second. “Lionel, I am truly sorry if I gave you the impression that I saw you as anything other than a friend-”

“This is undeniable,” Lionel said desperately, reaching forward to grab Morticia’s hands. “Morticia, look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel the same.”

Morticia let out a long sigh. “Lionel, I do not feel the same. Saying that I love Gomez feels like an understatement.” She moved back, pulling her hands away. “I could never love anyone else so whatever you’re trying to do here is pointless, I’m sorry.”

Lionel’s face fell and Morticia felt like she just stepped on a baby bat. “I, um, I guess I’ve embarrassed myself,” Lionel sighed, his eyes falling away from Morticia’s face.

“Oh don’t say that,” Morticia said sympathetically. “However, is this why you sent Colin to school with a list of questions to ask Wednesday?”

Lionel went from looking sad to downright shameful in that instant. “I didn’t think you would find out about that! Colin was just supposed to ask Wednesday those things!”

“Wednesday is a bit too smart to have the wool pulled over her eyes like that,” Morticia said flatly. “Furthermore, what were you hoping to accomplish?”

“I guess I just wanted to find a weak spot somewhere in your marriage,” he admitted.

“That doesn’t exactly exist.”

Lionel’s eyebrows pulled together. “No one is that perfect.”

“You would be surprised.”

“Morticia…”

She held up her hand, effectively silencing him. “Lionel, the answer is no and that is completely and utterly final. I do not like having to repeat myself.”

Lionel’s shoulders slumped. Morticia felt like slapping him across the face would have gone over better. “I guess a lot changes in fifteen years. I was silly to think me showing back up would suddenly sweep you off your feet when I couldn’t even do that when we were children.”

“I’m sorry you’re so upset,” Morticia said, her voice growing colder by the moment. She would have gotten up and left had it not been for Gomez hiding in the bush. “Maybe go take a walk to clear your head.”

“Run away with me!” he suddenly gasped, reaching for her hands once again.

Amid her panic Morticia distinctly heard the words, “mother fucker,” come from the bush.

“Let go of me,” she said, gritting her teeth. “You aren’t thinking straight.”

“True I don’t have as much money as your husband but I’ll make you happy!” he cried in desperation. “Kiss me!”

“No!” Morticia cried as she squirmed away from him.

“I’m going to kill him!” Gomez yelled, apparently having had enough as he burst out of the bush.

“What?” Lionel yelled, shooting away from Morticia. “Was he there the entire time?”

“Any last words?” Gomez yelled as he pulled a leaf out of his hair.

“Don’t kill him, darling,” Morticia sighed. “He has a son after all.”

“You are very lucky that someone decided to sleep with you ten years ago!” Gomez declared as he jumped over the bench to put his arm around Morticia.

Lionel was looking quite like a deer caught in the headlights. “This isn’t what I wanted,” he grumbled. “This wasn’t how… forget it. Enjoy the party.” He turned and slowly walked back down the path, leaving Gomez and Morticia slightly stunned.

“That was odd,” Gomez whispered.

Morticia frowned as she crossed her arms tightly across her chest. “I don’t know why it takes another man showing up for a man to get the picture. Aren’t I scary enough on my own?”

“Dreadfully so, my dear,” Gomez said lovingly.

“Let's go home,” Morticia sighed. “I’ve had enough of this.”


	14. Voodoo

Morticia found herself in a rather strange funk once they arrived home. Since it was far earlier than anticipated, Wednesday and Pugsley were still awake, providing her with a decent distraction for the time being.

“I’m assuming the party was terrible,” Wednesday said, walking over to casually hug her parents, trying not to make a big deal out of it. Unlike Pugsley, who never hesitates to rush in for a giant hug. “Was Colin’s dad being a weirdo?”

“Yes,” Gomez answered automatically. 

“Did you sneak any food home?” Pugsley asked, totally unconcerned with the actual events of the party.

“For you? Of course I did!” Gomez said as he happily pulled a handful of bacon wrapped scallops out of his pocket. “Enjoy!”

“Scallops! I love scallops, they make me feel like I’m just eating balls of fat!” Pugsley said happily as he extended one toward Wednesday. “You want one?”

“I’ll refrain from eating Father’s pocket food,” Wednesday said with a slight sneer.

“My pockets are clean!”

“This does taste slightly like cigar ash,” Pugsley said with a shrug through his mouthful. “But I like it!”

“Where is Grandmama?” Morticia asked as she absentmindedly toyed with one of Wednesday’s braids. “She was supposed to be keeping an eye on you two.”

“She went to sleep a half hour ago,” Wednesday said. “She said she was too tired and needed to go relax.”

“That means she’s up there blazing it,” Pugsley added.

“What about Uncle Fester?” Gomez asked.

“He’s out at the swamp looking for fireflies because he thinks they can actually start fires,” Wednesday sighed. “But don’t worry, Lurch was in the kitchen the whole time and Pugsley and I were very responsible. We used the sharp swords for our duel and took the dynamite caps outside so we didn’t burn the rug.”

“You’re both so wonderful, maybe we could leave you on your own more often,” Morticia said. “Now why don't you both go get ready for bed? We’ll be up soon to tuck you in.”

The kids ran off and Gomez turned to his wife, noticing a far away look on her face. “Tish?”

“I’m fine,” she said a bit too quickly. “Just fine, my dear. Let's go get the children settled.”

However, Morticia wasn’t fine. The whole Lionel situation had her more disturbed than she would expect. Morticia wasn’t completely heartless, after all. In fact she was rather compassionate in spite of what her expressionless demeanor would have one believe. Seeing her old friend in such a state had really put a damper on her mood, even if she was angry with him in the first place.

“Cara mia,” Gomez sighed as they walked into their bedroom. “You’re upset, it's obvious.”

“It's Lionel,” she grumbled. She took a seat at the foot of the bed and reached down to start taking off her shoes. 

“Allow me,” Gomez said, sliding over to assist her since the tightness of her dress made bending difficult. “And yes, of course Lionel upset you. You should have let me clobber him!”

Morticia smiled sadly down at him as he popped the small buckle at her ankle. “Gomez, he seemed so… perturbed.”

“I can sympathise, getting rejected by you would have killed me,” he said, setting her shoes to the side. “But my darling, this is not on you, please do not feel guilty.”

“I don’t, it's more that I’m worried for him. We were friends, even though it was years ago. I do care, just not the same way he cares about me. Do you understand?”

He nodded, moving to sit on the bed beside her. “I do. You’re worried he may do something rash. Which can be fun, depending on the situation.”

She smiled at her husband, reaching out to pat his cheek. “I love how you’re always able to look on the dark side, my dearest. What do you think we should do?”

“About Lionel?” Gomez asked as he stood to start undressing. “Is there something for us to do?”

Morticia frowned, leaning her head against the bedpost. “I feel like we should let a few days go by then I should try to talk to him… only if that's okay with you.”

Gomez laughed. “Tish, you never need my permission to do anything. I may not like the guy. At all. Like, not one little bit, I’m pretty sure he’s a-”

“Gomez, don’t say the R word!”

“A republican, Morticia! Nevertheless, if checking in on his wellbeing is important to you, then by all means.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her quickly. “Though I say we let him go off the rails. It could be amusing.” 

“No, Gomez. That isn’t as fun for other people as it is for us.” She stood and started popping the buttons on his dress shirt. “Now, how about we forget about it for tonight and you help me out of this dress?” 

“I would like nothing more, I just have to figure out how…” he walked around behind her, looking for a zipper or buttons. “Seriously, Tish, how did you get into this?”

“A little bit of voodoo.”

“I believe that because this dress looks like it is painted on.”

She smiled to herself. “Isn’t that an idea…” 

“Ah, I found the zipper!” he cried in triumph. “No voodoo required!”

“We like to save that for special occasions anyway,” Morticia said with a shrug as she shimmied the rest of the way out of her tight dress. 

“Oh, Tish,” Gomez groaned as he lunged forward to wrap his arms around her body. “Warn a man when you go commando.”

She laughed softly. “Isn’t there a better way to say commando? That just sounds so crass.”

“Darling, the bedroom is the best place to be crass,” Gomez said as he began kissing his way across her shoulders. 

“I suppose you have a point there,” she said with a sly grin, sinking back into his embrace. “Be as crass as you want, my love.”

Gomez grinned eagerly, pressing his lips to the shell of her ear. “Is that what you want?”

“After tonight, I want to think of nothing except for you,” Morticia said, spinning in his arms to face him. “And all the dirty things you’re going to do to me.”

“Oh, cara mia,” he smiled, his hands sliding across her bare back. “You want me to tell you what I intend to do with you?”

“Please,” she said, leaning her face up so their lips brushed. “Make my mind go blank, Gomez.”

“Firstly, I want you to go lay on the bed while I get undressed,” he said before nipping at her bottom lip.

“Very well,” she said, moving to crawl languidly across the king sized bed until she was resting against the pillows. 

Gomez smiled happily as he shed the rest of his tuxedo. “Stay put,” he said, crawling up to her. “I didn’t eat much at the party, so I intend to make up for that right now.”

Morticia bit her lip as Gomez settled himself between her thighs. “Well something has to make up for this terrible evening.”


	15. Cold Shoulder

Monday morning Wednesday dragged herself into the classroom and took her normal seat next to Colin. She plunked down in the squeaky, plastic chair and glared at him out of the side of her eye. Usually Colin was unusually chipper, giving Wednesday a headache each morning. Now, however, he was acting like she didn’t exist.

“What's the deal?” she asked. “Usually by now you say ‘good morning, Wednesday’ to which I reply that there is no such thing.” She looked him up and down, finding he wouldn’t even turn in her direction. “Do you have some infectious disease?” 

“No,” Colin mumbled, crossing his arms over the desk. “I’m not supposed to talk to you.”

“Oh?” Wednesday asked, raising an eyebrow. “Who told you that? Was it Chrissy? Jamie? Beth?”

“My dad,” Colin sheepishly admitted as he focused on his pencil. 

Wednesday didn’t want to admit it, but that stung slightly. She frowned, narrowing her eyes at him. “Do you do everything your dad tells you?”

“Kind of,” Colin said with a shrug. “He is my dad.”

Wednesday sighed but didn’t say anything else. She wasn’t one for forcing herself on people. She was only friends with Colin in the first place because he attached himself to her. She worked better on her own, always had. But she would be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t a tiny bit upset. 

As much as she wanted to deny it, the more irritated she got with the situation throughout the day. She wasn’t angry with Colin per se, just his dad. Why should Wednesday have to suffer because of his unrequited crush on her mother? That was just wrong. And why was Colin being a wuss and going along with it?

So when she got home, Wednesday decided to try and feel out the situation. “Mother, can we talk?” she asked bluntly, walking into the sitting room.

Morticia looked up from her painting in surprise. “Of course, darling.” Thing popped out of his box to take Morticia’s paint brush. “Thank you, Thing.”

“Why do you look so perplexed?” Gomez asked from his headstand. “Your forehead has the most minuscule of wrinkles.” 

“Colin gave her the cold shoulder today,” Pugsley announced as he walked through the room. “I’m going to find Uncle Fester.”

Morticia turned to Wednesday with a frown. “Is that true?”

“Yes,” Wednesday grumbled as she took a seat on the bear skin rug. “Did you hex his father or something?”

“I wish,” Gomez muttered under his breath.

“Wednesday, all I did was reject Colin’s father’s advances, as I should have,” Morticia said, crossing her arms. 

Wednesday frowned, feeling slightly guilty. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that this was your fault.”

Morticia shook her head. “I’m not angry. At you. Lionel on the other hand…”

“Reprehensible!” Gomez exclaimed, rolling out of his headstand and to his feet. “First he uses his child to question ours, then he tells him not to talk to her? What kind of sniveling coward does that? Rat bastard!” 

“Gomez, please, watch your language in front of Wednesday.”

“I don’t mind,” Wednesday said with a shrug. “I agree.” 

“Wednesday, darling, I’m sorry you got dragged in the middle of this,” Morticia said, moving to sit by Wednesday on the rug. “What Mr. Barker did is completely unfair.”

“And we are going to kill him for it,” Gomez said with a manic grin.

“No, we aren’t going to go that far,” Morticia said calmly.

“Why not?” Wednesday asked.

“That wouldn’t be right,” was all Morticia said. “I will handle this without violence.”

“Boo,” Gomez groaned. 

“What are you going to do?” Wednesday asked, allowing her mother to put her arm around her shoulder. 

“Speak with him,” Morticia said with a shrug.

“Speak with him?” Gomez cried. “Last time you spoke with him he tried to sexually assault you!”

Wednesday’s eyes widened. “He did?”

“It wasn't quite so drastic,” Morticia said, shooting Gomez a look. “Don’t let your father worry you.”

“Are you positive?” Wednesday pressed. “Because I have a new knife that hasn’t been used yet.”

“Quite sure and since we’re all so upset, I’m going to talk with Lionel right now.” Morticia stood, smoothing out her tight dress.

“Great, I’ll grab my coat!” Gomez announced as he headed toward the foyer. 

“Perhaps I should go on my own, darling,” Morticia said softly. “Things might go better if we all remain level headed.”

“Tish, while I understand that I don’t like the thought of you being alone with him.”

Wednesday frowned as she watched the back and forth between her parents. She felt like she was siding with her father on this one. Her mother should not be alone with Mr. Barker under any circumstances. The man was clearly unstable and while that was a common family trait, this was her mother Wednesday was talking about. While stable could be boring, Wednesday really didn’t want anything happening to Morticia.

“Maybe father is right,” Wednesday said softly. “Maybe you shouldn’t go alone.”

“I’ll have Lurch drive me if that will make the both of you feel better,” Morticia said as she made her way to the noose to ring for him. “People have a hard time losing their heads around Lurch.”

Gomez let his shoulders slump as he pulled Morticia into a hug. “Fine, but have Lurch wait on the doorstep so he can hear you if you yell.”

“I won’t be yelling,” Morticia said, kissing his cheek. “I will be just fine.”

“You rang?” Lurch asked as he walked into the room.

“Yes, Lurch, could you please drive me over to Lionel Barker’s house?”

“And make sure she is safe the entire time!” Gomez added. “Go inside with her if you feel you must!”

“I don’t need Lurch babysitting me,” Morticia said with a soft laugh. “I’ll be home soon, darling.”

Wednesday rushed over and threw her arms around Morticia’s waist, but didn’t say anything.

“Darling, not to worry,” Morticia said, patting her cheek. “I will be home before you know it.”

Wednesday and Gomez watched as Lurch and Morticia left, both of them clearly feeling apprehensive. “We’re going to follow her, right?” Gomez asked, nudging Wednesday’s shoulder.

“Obviously.”


	16. Bustin' Through

Morticia really thought her daughter and husband were overreacting. Lionel was a bit upset at the charity ball, that was it. Morticia didn’t see him as someone to be afraid of, especially not with the amount of knives she had strapped to her person at any given time. So she rang the doorbell after confidently telling Lurch he could stay in the car.

The white wood door cracked open to reveal a wide eyed Colin on the other side. “Uh oh,” he gasped. “Dad! Mrs. Addams is here!”

“What?” came Lionel’s voice from somewhere in the house. That was followed by feet pounding down the stairs as an out of breath Lionel appeared out of nowhere. “Morticia? What are you doing here?”

“We need to have a conversation,” Morticia said calmly. “May I come in?”

“Of course,” Lionel stammered. “Go upstairs and play, Colin.”

Colin rushed off as Lionel led Morticia into a terribly decorated sitting room. Everything was white and rather minimalist. It made Morticia feel like she was in the psych ward without the lovely company. She took a seat on the soft, leather couch, feeling mildly disturbed by how she sunk down into it.

“What's, uh, what's this about, Mo? Sorry, Morticia,” he asked, his tone rather resentful.

“Wednesday came home and told Gomez and I that you forbade Colin from speaking to her.” Morticia tilted her head to the side, eyes narrowed at Lionel’s sweaty face. “You’re allowed to have your issues with me but you will leave my child out of it, are we clear?”

“Look, Morticia, I didn’t do that to spite you,” Lionel said. “That's the thing, you’ve very self absorbed, you know that?”

“I’m self absorbed?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do elaborate.” 

“Yeah, you just love having men fawning over you!” Lionel said, jumping to his feet. “But you don’t actually give a damn about their feelings!”

Morticia pursed her lips, trying to remain calm. “You may have a point there. I care about my husband’s feelings and little else. I didn’t ask for you to fall for me. I don’t owe you anything because we were friends when we were little and I find it appalling that you think you’re entitled to my love because of that. I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work out but I am not your savior in all of this.”

“We had something!” he insisted.

“We were children,” Morticia all but snarled. “Even then I only saw you as a friend. I didn’t come here to have this same conversation with you, I came here to tell you not to drag our children into this. Let Wednesday and Colin be friends.”

“Like I said, I didn’t do it to spite you. Do you want to know the truth?”

“Enlighten me,” she said flatly.

“Your family is weird.”

“How very original of you,” Morticia shot back.

“I just don’t think it's safe for Colin to be friends with Wednesday,” Lionel said with a shrug.

“Yet you were jumping at the chance to run off with me,” Morticia said, her eyes flaring with anger. “People often seem to ignore the fact that I am the most dangerous one in my family.”

Lionel scoffed. “Please, Morticia, take this seriously.”

Without blinking, Morticia pulled a blade out of her sleeve and launched it past Lionel’s head where it stuck up to the hilt in the wall. “I am very serious.”

“What the hell, Morticia?” Lionel yelled. “You could have killed me!”

“No, if I wanted to kill you that wouldn’t be in the wall right now.”

There was a moment where they glared at each other, saying nothing. Morticia was content to leave it at that, but Lionel seemed to have more in him, much to Morticia’s chagrin. “Listen, Morticia… this isn’t what I wanted.”

“It isn’t what I wanted either. I was happy to see my old friend again, however you’ve turned this into something completely ridiculous.” Morticia stood from the marshmallow soft couch. “Leave the children out of this. They’re friends, let them be friends.”

“Morticia, wait,” Lionel sighed. “I keep screwing up!”

“You need more time to cool off. I’ve said what I wanted to say.” She put her hand on the doorknob, ready to get the hell out of the minimalist prison. “Goodbye, Lionel.”

“Morticia!” he cried, grabbing her wrist. “We can work this out!”

“Let me go,” Morticia snarled.

“Now, Lurch!” Gomez’s voice boomed from the other side of the door. There was a crack as the door swung in. Gomez rushed in around Lurch with Wednesday on his back. “Unhand my wife, scoundrel!” 

Seemingly out of shock, Lionel dropped Morticia’s wrist. “You… you broke my door.”

“Here!” Gomez yelled before rooting around in his pocket. He pulled out a wad of hundreds and tossed them toward Lionel. “That should cover the damages! Though it looks much better that way.”

“Gomez, Wednesday, I thought I told you I had this handled,” Morticia said, crossing her arms. 

“Clearly not!” Gomez exclaimed. 

“We were just worried,” Wednesday said in a much calmer tone than her father. 

“While I’m flattered I have it handled.”

“This is what I mean!” Lionel yelled, gesturing to the three Addamses and their butler. “Freaks! Who busts in someone’s door?”

Gomez shrugged, moving Wednesday’s shoulder along with his. “Lurch does.” 

“Morticia,” Lionel said in desperation. “Let me save you from this.”

Morticia laughed, which sent an icy chill through the whole room. “Save me? Save me from what? A man who loves me more than anything in this world? A daughter who was concerned enough about me to disobey me?”

“I stand by my choice,” Wednesday said.

“I don’t need to be saved when I love my family more than anything on this earth,” Morticia said definitively.

“But… you’re so…”

“If you think my family are freaks then consider me the ring leader, Lionel.”

“Dad, be nice!” Colin’s voice echoed from the top of the stairs. “They aren’t freaks and you shouldn’t say stuff like that!”

Lionel turned to gawk at his son as he came down the stairs. “But…”

“I like the Addams and I like Wednesday!” he continued, walking over to stand beside them. “She’s the first friend I’ve ever had! And you said you were happy I had her in my life! I didn’t like that you made me ignore her, that wasn’t right!”

Wednesday slid off Gomez’s back to go stand next to Colin. “You’re going to make my teeth rot, Colin. Continue.” 

“Look, I don’t know what the deal is with you and Mrs. Addams, but I like these people!” Colin yelled, his little face turning bright red beneath his glasses. “So I’m going to be friends with Wednesday no matter what you say!”

Lionel looked flabbergasted, to say the least. He let out a long sigh and looked down at his son with a rather guilty expression. “You’re right, Colin. I was… I was mean.”

“I understand the effect my wife has,” Gomez said, wrapping his arm around her. “But please, let's just put this to rest here and now. Listen to your kid.”

Lionel nodded. “I’m sorry. I’ll let you all go.”

Morticia turned to her family. “Why don’t you wait in the car? I’ll be right out.”

“Tish-”

Morticia silenced him with a look. “Go.” 

Wednesday said a quick goodbye to Colin and they were off, doing as she said finally. Morticia turned back to Lionel, a rather cold look on her face. “Clearly your divorce rocked you. There’s no shame in getting help for that. And when you do, we can give the friendship thing a try once again. At my house, however. Your’s is very upsetting, not an ounce of black. And as for you, Colin, you are welcome to come play with Wednesday any time.”

“Yay!” 

“I guess that means goodbye for now,” Lionel said awkwardly.

Morticia nodded wordlessly and left, feeling too flummoxed to be relieved at the somewhat amicable outcome. She slid into the passenger seat of the second car, only somewhat concerned about her husband’s driving skills as they took off.

“You okay, cara mia?” he asked, reaching over to put his hand on her leg.

“Of course, darling,” she said before turning to look at Wednesday. “You’re supposed to keep your father from doing rash things, not join him.”

Wednesday shrugged, crossing her arms. “Maybe when it's things like running directly into a fire without gasoline, but…”

“You were concerned about me,” Morticia said with a hint of a smirk.

“Don’t make this mushy,” Wednesday deadpanned, turning to look out the window. 

“Yeah, Tish, don’t make this mushy,” Gomez teased as he nearly ran a stop sign.

“You just focus on getting us home in one piece.”

“Oh, but crashes are so much fun!”


	17. Oh, Tish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if things have been wonky, I just now realized that some chapters might not have posted in order or at all???? I'm going to go through and check it out again

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Gomez asked later that night as they were linked arm in arm on an evening stroll through the cemetery. “You’ve been quiet, even for you.”

Morticia smiled softly up at him. “I am okay, I promise. I think the problem is resolved. What bothers me is why it even happened in the first place.”

“The entitlement of men getting you down?”

“Yes!” Morticia sighed. “More and more with each passing day I begin to feel like you’re the only normal man in the world.” 

“You flatter me, querida,” he laughed. “My brother is relatively normal.”

“True. Alright, only men inside of our family, how is that?”

Gomez nodded. “Sounds about right. I only hope that years from now Colin doesn’t pull the same crap with Wednesday.”

Morticia smirked as she came to rest against a tombstone. “I think Wednesday is the last person we need to worry about. She’ll skin Colin alive at the first hint of toxic masculinity.” 

Gomez laughed loudly. “At least we can rest assured that we’re raising some wonderful children.”

“I’m very lucky I have you,” Morticia said, taking his hands and pulling him closer. “Mon cher.”

“Oh, Tish.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are always welcome and appreciated! I'm on Tumblr @helloitshaley if anyone wants to stop by and chat :)


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